Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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