Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
