sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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