I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We smell like vodka and hangover
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