as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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