I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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