Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
