Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
