She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
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No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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