my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
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I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
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I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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