his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
