What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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