dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
