We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
