So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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