No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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