I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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