You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
