I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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