So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
