you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
