u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
