I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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