There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
