this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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