I heard we made out
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
