why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
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I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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