he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
