He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
