So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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