I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
