morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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