Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
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There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
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The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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