I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
