The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
