I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
