Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
