hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i dont even know how to be here
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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