My Higher Power is John Stamos
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
