Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
