i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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