i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
