Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
