bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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