WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
