Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
