You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
