Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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