So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
