he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
