As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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