By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
