I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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