I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
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When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
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I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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