I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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