You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
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Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dick very happy bro
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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