Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
