It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
