I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
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He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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