I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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