if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
