You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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