Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
