She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
