My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
