So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She's the barista slut.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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