If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
