Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
