He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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