Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
