You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
